I am in a vortex of obligation.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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