i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
