I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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