I've blown a few things in my day
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
