yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
