youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
