Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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