I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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