Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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