Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
