I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
