Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
