I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
