so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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