do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
