I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
