who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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