i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
