My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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