Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
