so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
