We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
