Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
