Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
