God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
