I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
