Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
