Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
