I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
