Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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