There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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