Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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