In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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