your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
