i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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