Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
