Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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