We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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