hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
