I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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