he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
