If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
