just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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