i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
