he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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