i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
