im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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