Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
