I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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