So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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