how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
