these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
