Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
