I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
