Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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