If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
