fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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