I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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