Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
