I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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