i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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