I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
