there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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