Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
