i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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